Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Journal of Stephen Michael Hobbs (part 5 of 7)

Thursday, June 9th I got a letter from Ryan today. He still doesn't get it, after all these years. He's still trying to make me see things differently. "Before it's too late" he says. It was too late the moment I first set eyes on her. How can I change the way I feel? Feelings aren't like that. They just are what they are and were what they were. I can no more change my feelings than I can go back and change what happened. Of course I wish I could go back and change the way things happened. I'd give anything to find some way to change things so that she and I would never have been separated from each other. Looking back it seems that every other person we knew wanted the two of us to be apart. Her parents, her boss, her friends. Even God I guess. Even God wanted us to be apart. No one wanted us to be together. She and I knew better though. And yet here we are. I'm here and she's there and there is so much distance in between us. I've never let it go though. I've never for one single moment stopped planning to be together with her again. I've never stopped believing that we will be together again. I've never moved on and neither has she. There's no moving on for either one of us. That's what Ryan doesn't understand. He talks about it like it's all over and I need to just let it go. Like that's the only way I can be at peace or some such nonsense. I won't be at peace again until she and I are finally together. And we will be together again. People talk like if you make a mistake then that's it and it's all over forever. Love isn't like that. Love overcomes mistakes and survives. We all make mistakes, but they don't last forever. I know she forgave me the second I messed up. It's all these other people that can't let it go. It's all these other people that keep getting in the way and not letting us be together. Soon though. In fact, it will only be a couple of days now till we're together again. That's something no one will ever understand. All the Ryans and possum faced mothers of the world can't keep us apart any longer. Meredith knows it too. She knows I'm coming for her. It's been so long and the waiting is finally almost over.

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