Thursday, April 5, 2012

The five living people I’d like to have over for dinner.

I’ve heard the question before, and perhaps you have too.

"If you could choose five people to have dinner with, who would they be?"

I’ve heard the question posed as 5 living people, 5 dead people, or 5 people, living or dead. Since I have found the dead to be terrible conversationalists (not to mention their unfortunate impact on the desirability of the cuisine) I am going to look exclusively at the world of the living when compiling my perfect dinner party.

A few rules are needed going into this sort of thing, since without rules we’d all be running around in chicken suits, eating baby kangaroos.

  • Rule #1 The undead are not considered truly living, so no vampires, zombies, etc are eligible to attend, regardless of their otherwise charming nature and conversational aptitude. Sorry twi-hards.
  •  Rule #2 The invitees have to be humans. Animal celebrities need not apply, and since after rising from the dead Jesus dropped the carnal aspect of his nature, He would also be deemed ineligible since he is no longer human. On a side note to this rule, since the Christian deity is omnipresent, He will already be in attendance anyway without requiring you to use up one of the five slots, and could thus be considered a “bonus guest” at any event.
  •  Rule #3 Members of your immediate family can attend without requiring you to use one of the five available slots, so you need feel no remorse for leaving out those dearest to you.

So.  The expectations are clear. The five living humans I would invite to my dream dinner are listed below.

Guest #1
Bruce Campbell

The single greatest actor of all time would guarantee the conversation kept moving and that everyone had an amazing time. I have already read his autobiography, “If Chins could kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor” twice and will likely read it again soon. Furthermore, in the event any of the aforementioned undead (being furious at not being allowed to attend the dinner party) show up to wreak havoc, I want Bruce Campbell at my side.

Guest #2

 The greatest skateboarder of all time at my dinner table?! I had the distinct privilege of meeting Mr. Hosoi briefly a year ago at a Vans promotional event, and he was every bit as amazing as I hoped he would be. The documentary, “Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi” changed my life, and Christian Hosoi is truly one of the few heroes in my world. I need his help to convince my wife that I am not too old to buy a skateboard. Of course it will be a Rising Sun Hammerhead.

 Guest #3
Terry Scott Taylor
I am sure that many of you are thinking, "Who?" Of course it is possible you thought this on the previous two guests as well, and, if so, you really need to expand your horizons. Terry Scott Taylor is one of the greatest living song writers walking the earth today. I was privileged to meet him briefly at two shows in the last decade, and both times he blew me away, while I was unable to do much more than tell him my name. Terry has been the front man / primary song writer for about a billion bands since the 1970’s, brilliantly transitioning from genre to genre over the last 40 years while never flagging in writing profoundly meaningful lyrics to make the world a better place to live in. Camarillo Eddy is welcome at my dinner table anytime, including this ultimate night of feasting.

Guest #4
Peyton Manning

I love Peyton Manning. Last year was hard for me, when number 18 wasn’t continuing his march through the record books. This guy is everything a professional athlete should be. He’s been in my heart ever since he called Vanderjagt his "idiot kicker." I’m holding out hope he can stay healthy another four years and break every record currently held by Brett "open fly Jeans" Favre.

 Guest #5
Stephen King

I really struggled with this one. Most of the people I have a significant amount of admiration for are writers, but most of those I adore are no longer above ground. When considering the living authors available, I considered J. K. Rowling and Yann Martel, along with Cormac McCarthy and Margaret Atwood. In the end I decided the best compliment to the existing dinner party would be Stephen King. While not for everyone, and I certainly haven’t read each of the 5,000 books Mr. King has written, he is a true living legend in the literary field. He’s someone who can really write, but chose a genre generally populated by pulp hacks. He has dominated that genre for more than three decades now and has shown no signs of slowing down. Inviting Stephen to dinner would really cover two bases for me. I love literature and I love all things frightening. In addition, Stephen King is a huge baseball fan and a musician. I think we’d get good sports cross talk, good movie cross talk, and good music cross talk. Chemistry is vital in this kind of dinner party, and I think Stephen would round out the party nicely.

So there you have it. The perfect dinner party for living humans. Sorry I couldn’t fit you in, but which of these people could I truly bump to make room for you?

Please feel free to share your personal five.

Next up, I will likely focus on a dinner party from beyond the grave and choose the five dead people I would have chosen, were they still alive.


1 comment:

  1. Before I read your list I knew Bruce Campbell would be on it :) Can you video tape this dinner party because it would be entertaining!