Top 5 Wines under $10.

As previously discussed in the blog titled, “What’s up with my mouth?” I made it known that I enjoy a glass or two of wine on most evenings. Like many of you, however, I operate on a budget which does not allow me to just grab anything I want off the wine shelf. As a result, I have tried a great many wines under $10 over the last year and a half and would like to pass along some of what I have learned. This knowledge is worth well more than its weight in wine as you can hopefully use this list to avoid bringing home some of the moonshine hooch that often falls into this price range. There is plenty of that out there and no one deserves that. And remember, many places (like Tom Thumb) give you a 10% discount if you buy 6 bottles or more.

(Disclaimer – Wine should be enjoyed in moderation. Take it easy.)

5. Smoking Loon – Cabernet Sauvignon

A good solid Cabernet for the price. Not the best, but doesn’t vary much from bottle to bottle like some of the less expensive wines do. Available at multiple locations. Their Merlot is also pretty decent.

4. Francis Ford Coppola - Rosso

This blended wine is the only Coppola I have found which is consistently under $10. I normally pick this one up at Tom Thumb for about eight dollars and am never disappointed. I have tried some of Mr. Coppola’s $10+ wines as well and they are also quite good, but seldom make their way into the Autry home due to the aforementioned budget.




3. Rex Goliath Giant 47 Pound Rooster
– Cabernet Sauvignon

Pretty much anything by Rex Goliath will not disappoint. You can find this brand in many locations, but Walmart carries many Rex Goliath options for $4.97 / bottle. The Cabernet is my favorite, but their Pinot Noir, and Sauvignon Blanc are also very enjoyable. Priced as an everyday wine, but good enough for company.

2. Spanish Quarter – Cabernet-Tempranillo


Excellent Blended Wine, available at Tom Thumb. There’s a lot going on in this one and I was very tempted to put this one at #1. Their Chardonnay-Albarino is my favorite white wine and would probably come in around 6 overall for me.

1. Apothic Red

This Blend is simply unbelievable. Available at Tom Thumb and Walmart, usually for just under $10, this wine really delivers. Made from 3 grapes, the flavor is quite hard to define and I haven’t tasted another wine that I could compare it to. And besides, very few people can describe what they are tasting without sounding like pretentious bores. I have found that this Red appeals even to those who normally prefer white wines.

Cheers!

Top 5 Best Worst Movies of all time.

What is it about an extraordinarily bad movie that compels us so? I find myself entranced and deeply amused by fantastically bad movies. Now it is important to understand what I mean by “bad.” There are plenty of terrible movies that are not enjoyable to watch in the least. But then there are movies that are so bad that they you have to watch them over and over again and the catch phrases from the movie become part of your daily vernacular. The difference may be most noticeable when you can profoundly enjoy the bad movie without requiring commentary from Mystery Science Theatre to do so.

With that in mind, I have compiled my personal list of the top 5 amazingly bad movies of all time. The list is perhaps fairly predictable, but no less sincere. I have definitely found that the horror genre tends to produce the best worst movies of all time, and those are the films that made it into my top five.

5. TerrorVision

The monster actually comes out of the TV after being accidentally beamed there via satellite and uncle Rico is Punk Rock Uncle Rico. Hilarity ensues. I really debated whether this one should make the top 5 and almost put “The Stuff” in instead, especially since I’ve only seen Terrorvision on TV and have never actually seen the theatrical release. I gave this one the edge due a slightly higher level of absurdity and because I like Uncle Rico, who in this movie actually was still young enough to throw a football over them mountains.

4. Slumber Party Massacre 2

Now don’t misunderstand and think that true greatness can be found in Slumber Party Massacre part 1. It took a second effort to achieve true greatness and there is nowhere near enough of a coherent plotline to require you to see the first movie. I think that all you really need to know is that the killer in the movie has a giant electric guitar with a drill on the end, with which he terrorizes people at a Slumber Party and drops amazing one-liners. There is even a dance sequence. Disclaimer - there is an unfortunate nude scene early in the film, which detracts from the overall greatness.

3. Plan 9 from Outer Space

It really wouldn’t be a legitimate list without this film being involved. Ed Wood clearly put forth his “best” effort for this one. For further enjoyment of this film (outside of watching the film itself) see Tim Burton’s “Ed Wood,” which spends a great deal of time on the making of this movie, which many have proclaimed to be the worst film ever made.

2. Killer Klowns from Outer Space

That’s right. They spelled Clowns with a K. Krazy!

1. Troll 2

I know how clichéd it is to name this the best worst movie of all time. I am aware that there is in fact a documentary called “Best Worst Movie” which is all about this film. It’s a spectacular documentary by the way. I am, however, unable to rank this movie anywhere else but number one with a clear conscience. This film is a perfect storm of all the scenarios required to make a truly terrible film. You can check these all off your list. The writer and director speak little to no English and are complete dictators. The actors have little to no acting experience (or talent), including one man who was on a day pass from the mental hospital. A completely ridiculous plot that is often incoherent. Truly horrible special effects and costumes. No actual Trolls or connection to Troll 1. And this list could go on and on. So my friend, pour yourself a nice tall glass of Nilbog milk, grab a double decker bologna sandwich and sit back to enjoy the greatest worst movie ever made.

Blessings.

Resolving to spite the Mayans

It is now closing in on the time when we make resolutions for how the upcoming year will be more significant than the year that is drawing to a close. I have a rather shoddy record of remembering to make resolutions in the first place, and an even shoddier record of remembering what those resolutions were a few months after the fact.

So this year I will be documenting my resolutions here, thereby to serve as reference material while the 2012 year progresses. This is, of course, working under the assumption that they Mayans didn’t know enough to prevent their own civilization’s downfall, and could therefore not have been in possession of any particular foresight into the doom of the planet.

These are in no particular order. The last shall be first, etc.

1. Submit at least two works for publication of some kind.
2. Remain physically active throughout the year.
3. Resubmit the aforementioned works to other publishers following the initial rejection of said works.
4. Complete at least one musical project of some kind.
5. Actively work on being a patient listener.
6. Post at least one blog each month instead of disappearing for quarters at a time.
7. Actively work on writing at least 4 nights out of the week.
8. Watch Troll 2 at least 6 times during the course of the year.
9. Resume reading my Bible on a regular basis.

Top 5 Careers I wish I had pursued

There are a couple of rules to follow here in this top 5 list. For example, I can’t list “Rock Star” because I did pursue and am still pursuing that profession. Unfortunately you suckers didn’t buy enough of my albums to make this an attainable career so far. So this doesn't fall into the category of a career I wish I had pursued. This list includes careers I never once considered while in college, but would now rather do any of them than what I currently do.

5. Camp Director

I worked at a summer camp for four beautiful summers while in college. It was the greatest job I have ever held. I’m still looking for an endless summer.

Evidence of the greatest summer ever -

4. Food Critic

I like food. It’s real fun to eat.

3. Something in Publishing

I would like to be that guy who reviews manuscripts and decides which will see the light of day. Or maybe an editor. I don’t know. Something.

2. Professor

Preferably in the world of Literature. I did my research. I need a couple of additional degrees if I want to make this one happen. Maybe if it ever moves into the #1 spot I’ll pony up the cash and the time and make it happen.

1. Author

Now I know what you are thinking, isn’t that like Rock Star? The answer is no. I have not yet failed at attaining this one. As soon as I fail at it I can remove it from the list and then go collect a couple of degrees so I can fulfill the cliché of “Those who can’t do, teach.”

What about you? What do you look back and wish you had pursued early on. Back before the bills rolled in and time started feeling compressed. I'd love to hear about them so I can steal them and make them my dreams.

Master of Disguise

I have often jokingly referred to myself as a “master of disguise.” I have found that I have serious problems with facial stability. What I mean by this is that I am constantly changing my hair and facial hair into new and different patterns. When I was younger, this included constantly changing my hair color as well. Lately the only changes to color have been the spreading of gray and white hair throughout. So be it.

I have a tremendously difficult time sticking with any one particular look for any length of time. 6 months is about the longest I have managed in recent history, and that was really pushing it. My wife has actually requested that I now tell her before I change something because she does not enjoy the shock of seeing a stranger in the house after a drastic change.

For Example. These are all the same person.

It's remarkable what different looks a simple change to a person's hair can create.

I imagine that those people who manage to retain the same look for the majority of their adult lives must be extremely content people. It seems to me that they must have discovered the secret to finding the best of all possible looks for them, and then stuck with it.

Alas, I have yet to find that best of all possible looks for myself.

I keep looking though, convinced that if I grow this, cut that, spike this, comb that, or just trim the sides I will one day look in the mirror and proudly proclaim, “Eureka! I have found it! This is the best looking me that there could ever be!” Then I would just maintain that look until I die.

On a side note, I have often considered how unfortunate it could be to die when in the middle of one of the really bad in between experimental looks. You know the kind. With maybe just the beginning of some sideburns and your hair just getting to that awkward stage between short and long where it keeps flipping up on the sides. No one wants that to be the final impression they leave on the world.

In short, if you have found peace with your face I applaud you. If you are a fellow pilgrim on the path to finding the optimal you, I share in your plight and offer commiseration.

I know it’s in there somewhere.

Value Systems

Intrinsic Value

It’s an interesting concept. The idea that something has value just by being itself is an intriguing one. For example, a dollar bill has no intrinsic value. It only has value as it represents gold. Well.... Actually that used to be the case. Unfortunately we out-printed our gold supply many a moon ago. But gold itself would have intrinsic value as the true source of wealth.

But hold the phone.

Why would gold have intrinsic value? Isn’t its value only based on the fact that we have deemed it to be currency? I suppose there is some intrinsic value because it can be crafted into attractive objects and it doesn’t tarnish over time, but as far as rocks go, it’s pretty heavy and doesn’t skip very well on water. And there’s not really enough to pave our non-heavenly streets with it. I’m gonna say that its value really lies in the fact that we’ve decided it’s valuable. And the aforementioned artistic and fashionable components of course. I will allow for its intrinsic value for those ends, but not as currency. The rarity of it also plays a component, but rarity alone doesn’t define value. If that were so, our endangered species list would be shorter.

And let’s not even get started on the intrinsic value of credit cards.

All of this came up in my mind because my wife and I just recently received a box of antique vases from a relative. Call me what you will, but vases themselves hold little to no value for me. I like the flowers well enough, but for all I care they can be in an empty pickle jar. It turns out that some of these vases are valuable antiques. Apparently some of these vases are worth something. I do see how the value of the object can be in the memory, or the personal attachment to a person who the object reminds you of, but I see little intrinsic value here. And for all you robbers, these vases aren’t worth enough to be worth your trouble. So quit with all the robbing!

So why should an object hold intrinsic value?

How about the fact that it truly provides value just by being itself?

For example – A tree.

Now, please don’t misunderstand and imagine me wearing my fig leaf poncho, living in a tree for a year so that it isn’t cut down by a paper company.

I like paper after all, and look terrible in fig leaves.

A tree though, does have immense intrinsic value. It provides value by providing oxygen, providing shade, creating a wind block, preventing erosion, providing sustenance, providing habitats for wildlife, providing paper and building supplies(though this is something of a final act for the tree), and the list goes on and on. So there is a tremendous intrinsic value, but you can buy a tree for very little money.

While money doesn’t grow on trees, trees themselves might actually be the greater commodity from a true intrinsic value standpoint. Trees are just an example. I’m sure you have your own items of intense intrinsic value.

Lately I keep returning to the thought (as mentioned in previous blog posts) that one day all this nonsense is gonna crash and when it does our entire value system will be restructured. Cash will be good for kindling and not much else. Gold will be good for... well... not much really. Credit cards... well I suppose they could help you break into your neighbor’s house to see if they left any beer behind. I’ve seen that work on TV before. You could even drink it out of their antique vases, if they have any.

Kind of rambling now.

Just thinking about these things and wondering if value doesn’t really go well beyond the eye of the beholder. Value seems to be driven by much bigger factors than any one individual can influence.

So... until the crash happens and the world goes caveman, plant a tree and enjoy some shade.

Blessings

Wake up and Dream

Life swallows people whole.

Sometimes anyway. While busily living as the stars of our own movies, I believe we often lose touch with those things which once drove us to some desirable end. Everyone started out with something they intended to be when they grew up. Everyone. But we all grow up and very few attain those objectives. So we enter “life” and begin the process of not attaining those objectives on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis.

This can be disappointing.

Early on, it’s much easier to rage against this condition and continue to pursue those original (or perhaps more recently substituted) dreams on the side while working in some other profession in order to do what is commonly referred to as “making a living.” But as time goes on it gets more and more difficult to continue attempting to live both lives concurrently and the available time to pursue said objectives becomes more limited. Often times the resources required to pursue those objectives become more limited as well.

Thank you kids, mortgages, and fossil fuels.

As this goes on for an extended period of time, many people began to enter into a sleepwalking state. In this state they continue living and functioning, but they have stopped practically pursuing those original objectives altogether. They now just drift through their life and are marginally unhappy and unfulfilled. Those most successful sleepwalkers convince themselves that they just chose a different dream and they are actually quite content with the change of plans.

Those people are known as liars.

If sleepwalking persists for an extensive period of time, the person will often begin criticizing others who have dreams they are still pursuing. This is really their only choice because to do otherwise is all too painful. It is quite hard to like people who make us realize how much we were unable to accomplish.

It’s all quite sad. Life can swallow people sometimes. Maybe even you. Perhaps you should wake up now and begin dreaming again. Wake up and dream. Turn off your TV’s and step away from your social media sites of choice. Remember who you were and decide if you really chose to stop being that person or if life just swallowed you gradually until you let it all slip away. Take what spare time you have and make it count. Find courage. Wake up and dream my friends.

Wake up and dream.

Blessings