A Sunday Drive

A Sunday Drive
    a short story by andrew shane autry

There's nothing quite like feeling the wind blowing through your hair and the sun shining brightly on your face as you drive down the highway on a Sunday afternoon in early Spring. I can't remember ever feeling this alive in my entire life before today. The very atmosphere itself feels absolutely charged with some special electricity, never there before today. Even the air feels different in my lungs. It tastes sweeter too, like I've never really breathed before. Who knows? Maybe I haven't.


I can tell that Cole feels the same way. He's usually so grim and stoic, but not today. Not now, with the sun in the sky and scenery blurring past on either side. I look at him behind the wheel and he's even smiling! He's so handsome when he smiles and his eyes catch the light in that way that is so uniquely him. And that dimple! I don't know why it's so hard for him to smile most of the time. I guess he is who he is and I should just be glad for this moment in time. I guess one moment is all we can ever feel at any particular point in time anyway, so I should just plan to enjoy the now that we're driving through and not worry about any yesterdays. I certainly don't plan to worry about any more tomorrows either. I don't plan to ever worry about any more tomorrows ever again.

Cole's hair is too short for him to really enjoy the whole "blowing in the wind" effect of riding in a convertible, but that might be for the best. With how fast we're driving, it certainly wouldn't be advisable for him to have his vision obstructed by flying hair. I wonder if it detracts from the whole convertible experience when you have short hair. I've never had short hair. My mom always said boys prefer girls with long hair, but then she said a lot of things. I stopped really listening a long time ago. I wonder if Cole would like me with short hair.

I've never driven this fast before. I'm sure I'd be entirely terrified if every nerve in my body wasn't absolutely screaming with delight as we fly past car after car. It's like what that song says about passing cars like they're standing still. Now I get it.

I never really noticed before, but there seem to be more white cars on the road than any other color. I wonder why that is? It's strange what your mind will fix on sometimes. You're just drifting along and all of a sudden you notice something you weren't even paying attention to. White! What a boring color for a car. What's fun about white? I like yellow cars, like the one we're in now. Red is fun too.

This is actually my first time riding in a convertible. Cole usually drives his mom's minivan, but it broke down and here we are. This is such a rush! I wonder what he's thinking about right now, this very second. I guess you never really can know that sort of thing about another person. Every time you ask someone what they're thinking about it changes what they're thinking so you get, at best, some sort of filtered, watered down version of their thoughts. And most people aren't even that honest with what they say back to you anyway when you ask them that question. I think Cole is honest. At least I think he's honest with me, and that's all that really matters.

I really love him, you know? He's not like other guys. I know a lot of girls say that. In fact, I think every girl who ever had a boyfriend or even just wanted to have one said that very thing about the guy she liked, but Cole really is truly different. He does things for me that no other guys would ever even think about doing. He is so considerate. Take my parents for example. Cole handled them so differently than any other guy I ever went out with. Completely different. No one could say otherwise.

I think he really loves me too. I mean, he's never just come right out and said, "Steph, I love you," or anything like that. That's not his way, but I believe he says it with his actions much louder than he could ever say it with only his words. Some people say that actions speak louder than words and I believe that those people are right to say so. Cole isn't much of a talker, but I feel like he's making himself clear to me all the time regardless. Of course, it would be really nice to hear it. Maybe just once. Right now would be the perfect time. Maybe that's what he's thinking about, but I won't ask.

Cole is such a good driver. I can't believe he can so calmly maneuver through traffic at this speed with just his left hand on the wheel. He always drives with just his left hand on the wheel, at the very top, in the center. "High Noon," he calls it. I like it that way cause then his right hand is free to hold my hand or sneak its way around my shoulders. Sometimes he even strokes my hair while he's driving. I love it when he strokes my hair. I've always liked movies where the guy reaches over and strokes a girl's hair. There's something so intimate about it. Something so calm. So right.

Looking at the dashboard, we still have about half a tank of gas left. I wonder just how far that will get us. I never paid much attention to gas mileage or things like that, so I don't have a clue what kind this car might get. I'd ask Cole but I don't want to trouble him. He looks so happy right now and I want him to stay that way for as long as possible. We both know we'll have to stop eventually when the gas is all gone. I wonder where we'll be when we finally have to stop. What state we'll be in. In fact, I wonder what state we're in now?

"Louisiana," Cole answers when I ask him. He actually had to shout it twice before I could hear him over all the racket. Everything is so loud with the top down at this speed.

Louisiana sure seems far from home to me. Before today I'd never even been out of Virginia. Of course today was a day for a lot of things I've never done before. I wish we had time to stop for some dinner. I haven't eaten anything since dinner last night and I've always heard that the food in Louisiana is spectacular.

On a personal note, I've always been an adventurous eater. I despise those girls who only eat salads on a date and turn down dessert. Cole found out very quickly what to expect when he took me to dinner for the first time. I always find something on the menu I've never eaten before, and that's just what I order. I've heard all about interesting Louisiana food like Cajun fried alligator tail, gumbo, fried crawfish, and all sorts of other things I'd like to try now, but there's no time.

We just passed a sign welcoming us to Texas. Cole smiled at me as we passed the sign. We've talked about Texas before since Cole used to live here. I met him right after he moved from his old home in San Antonio. He says Texas is nothing like what you see in the movies. He says it's just like anywhere else except it gets really hot in the summer and not too cold in the winter. I couldn't really say since I've never really been anywhere, but I wonder if maybe every place is pretty much the same as every other place, except for the weather. Maybe that's stupid.

"We might just make it," he calls out, still with that same dimpled smile on his face. I wonder if he really believes it. I smile back for him, big and bright and I know my eyes are dancing, but I'm starting to fade a little. It's been a very long day and some of the exhilaration is finally starting to wear off. Maybe it's the hunger. I never should have thought about food. Thinking about it only makes it so much worse.

We had a near miss about ten minutes after we crossed the border to Texas. We saw the sea of brake lights and flashing red and blue ahead just in time to whip the car off the road, drive across a field, and merge back onto a smaller blacktop road heading south. It happened so fast it took my breath away!

"It's a good thing everything is so flat in Texas!" Cole shouted gleefully across the car when he finally stopped laughing. I smiled back, trying to hide the fact that my blood was pounding so hard in my head I could barely see. Cole was amazing! He never even hesitated or took his foot off the gas! Looking behind us, I saw that a few of the cars had followed his lead, albeit much more slowly, and were on the same alternate route we were now on. "Monkey see, monkey do," I thought, and that's when the laughing started for me.

Cole was no longer smiling as he watched me out of the corner of his eye. "You okay kid?" he warily inquired. I waved him off, gulping in air and trying to stifle the waves of laughter threatening to choke off my air supply. I'm not even sure why I'm laughing. I just can't seem to stop. I finally get everything back under control, and glance over at the gas gauge again. I think that maybe its time to say something, but looking at the now stern face beside me, I think better of it. It's not like he doesn't already know anyway. He's probably known all along.

The funny thing is that we were almost out of gas anyway when it happened. If it had lasted even five minutes longer, it probably would have ended so differently. But it didn't last five minutes longer.

We hit the road spikes going well over 100 miles per hour and were airborne almost immediately. I'd like to believe that they didn't know that might happen, but I don't know. I think they were pretty mad about the near escape at the Texas border and were pulling out all the stops before we could make it to Mexico. I guess they thought all of this had gone on more than long enough and it was time for extreme measures.

We rolled over in the air so that we were flying upside down through open space. It was so surreal and so like a scene in a movie. Everything slowed down just like it would on screen and every detail became crystal clear. Cole turning to look at me, smiling a strange half smile, shrugging his shoulders and taking his one hand off the steering wheel. I see my own hand reaching towards his face all by itself, moving slowly through the small space between us, almost getting there.

Then we hit the ground and the flashing lights close in all around us. Cole was killed instantly. I knew he must have been or he would have said something to reassure me as we lay there surrounded by darkness inside the crushed cockpit of the upside down convertible, pulsing red and blue lights creeping in under the edges.

I'm not sure how I managed to survive, even for just a little while, but I did. I lay broken, with glass, metal, and upholstery pressing close on every side, watching my own blood begin to pool around me. I can hear them shouting, but their words mean nothing to me. I grope around in the dark for Cole, but find nothing. Maybe he isn't even in here with me. Maybe he landed somewhere else. Suddenly I find that I don't really care so much anymore. I feel too tired and know that, where ever he is, I'll probably be joining him soon enough.

It had been such a long day.

My parents telling us no.

The fight.

The yelling.

The push.

The knife.

The blood.

The blood.

The running.

The mini van.

The smoke.

The break down.

The gas station.

The yellow car.

The man.

The knife again.

More blood.

The driving, driving, driving, driving, driving, driving. The sirens.

The chase.

And finally, the crash.

So tired now.

I guess I never really believed we could escape after what we did, but it would have been nice to have had more time. I always thought there would be more time. Seventeen is just too soon. Too fast.

So tired.

Is this really all my blood? How much blood does one person have in them anyway? Not this much. There can't be.

So tired.

Cole? How...

So tired.

I always meant to visit Texas sometime. There's that at least. At least that happened for me, when so many other things didn't and never will.

So tired.

Mom? Dad? I guess maybe you were right after all. It kills me to admit it. Get it?

So tired.

What is wrong with you, Stephanie? You really should be praying right about now, not joking. I don't think you're gonna make it kid. I love it when you call me kid, Cole.

So tired.

I'll never get to try that gumbo now. Do they really eat alligator tail?

So tired.

Focus Steph! Running out of time. Running out of blood. Must be. So much blood.

So tired.

God?

What I've been reading lately

Greetings.

I do not anticipate that this will be one of my more popular blog postings.  In it, I will not be arrogantly declaring the top five somethings of all time or taking a cynical/humorous view of the dangers of the modern world.  Instead, I thought I would take a moment to share what I've been reading lately.

Why should you care?

That is an excellent question.  You shouldn't.

And yet, here are some of the most recent books I have read over the last couple of months.  I believe that reading is important and that it fundamentally shapes how we think and view the world.  Turn off your computer and go to the library!

"Night of the Living Trekkies" by Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall.  I think the name pretty much speaks for itself.  I couldn't put it down.

"The Torrents of Spring" by Ernest Hemingway.  Reading this book was a very strange experience.  I've read most of Hemingway's work and there is a pretty definitive style and pattern to his writing which this work deviates from drastically.  As I understand it, the book was his way of mocking another writer. 

The Traci Ganner trilogy of Science Fiction books by Brian Jeffreys.  I have completed "The Fall of the Terran Empire" and "The Orion Gambit" and am now starting the final book, "Glory and Empire."  I don't regularly dive into the Science Fiction end of the pool, but this has been a pretty enjoyable swim so far.  I'm also going to name drop and let you know that I know Mr. Jeffreys in person.  Indeed.  I might even be able to introduce you to him.  Come to my church with me sometime.  Anything is possible.

"God Bless you, Dr. Kevorkian" by Kurt Vonnegut.  Mr. Vonnegut can really do no wrong when he puts words on paper.  Or could do no wrong that is.  Since he's in heaven now and all.  This last statement is a joke for the Vonnegut fans.  Though with my personal views on the Spiritual world, it is decidedly less humorous and makes me rather sad.  Be that as it may, another delightful read from one of the greatest authors of the 20th Century.

"Fight Club" by Chuck Palahntuk.  I really don't know what to think about this one.  I wanted to like it so bad because it had so many moments of extraordinarily great writing in it.  I just couldn't bring myself to love it though.  Almost.  It was so close.  I will purchase another Palahntuk sometime soon to see if those glimpses of genius can come together for a full picture.

So there you go.  I have quite a few books on my radar for the remainder of the year, and I hope you do to.  Maybe something on here will give you a starting point.

Blessings.

Of Books and Covers and Pakistani Taxi Drivers

One of the extraordinarily great men of wisdom and true philosophers of the 21st century drives a taxi cab in Chicago.

It's true. I met him.

I travelled to Chicago on business this week, and I providentially found myself in the backseat of a taxi driven by a man of Middle Eastern descent. Let me first state that I do not have a tremendous amount of taxi experience and am hardly the world traveler that might come to mind when I refer to travelling "on business." In fact, I have ridden in a taxi less than 10 times in my entire life. I will say though, that the majority of taxi drivers I have encountered have likewise been of Middle Eastern descent, and most have driven in such a manner that my automatic chicken brake foot ends up utterly exhausted by the time we reach our destination.

But this man was different.

I got the hint of something different when I mentioned the hotel I was going to and he referred to its architecture. Incidentally, I stayed at the Radisson Blue Aqua, which was built in 2011 and is known for its flowing water-like architecture. I then asked him how long he had been in Chicago. I confess I did this mainly to try to figure out how fluent he was in English, in order to determine what level of conversation we could possibly have. It turned out that he had lived in Chicago for 25 years, and I later found out he had lived on the West coast for another 10 years prior to that. So this man who it turned out was initially from Pakistan had actually been in America longer than I have, and had seen much more of the country during that time. How about that?

Thus began one of the 10 greatest conversations I have ever had. If only I could have somehow recorded the conversation to transcribe it verbatim here, each and every one of you would be better for having read it. The conversation took about 45 minutes to an hour as we travelled from O'Hare to downtown Chicago. I could have happily tripled the drive and am sure there would have been no lull along the way.

We talked about Education and advanced degrees and the divergence of those degrees from the eventual occupations we live out.

We talked about Social Media and the ongoing isolationism of our youth and the continual disconnect from reality.

We talked about Theology and the history of Christianity, including the origins of the 12 tribes of Israel.

We talked about Ecology and the potential results of our fossil fuel addiction, along with the natural purposes of oil and the potentially catastrophic direction our abuse will take us.

We talked about Religion and the place of the mind in the healing process.

We talked about Science and how it interacts with faith.

We talked about Philosophy and the perspectives we prejudicially hold.

We talked about pornography and it's ramifications on the marital state, the objectification of humans, and the damage it is causing to the youth of today due to its unlimited accessibility.

We talked about Science Fiction with a particular focus on the pessimistic future casters like Huxley, Orwell, and Toffler.

We talked about the changing face of America and our fears for the future generations.

It was amazing.

I asked him how often he had conversations like the one we were having and discovered that they were extremely rare. I did not find this surprising since I found them equally rare in my sphere of influence. He said that the majority of people take one look, assume he just got off the boat, give him their destination and go straight to their Smart phones.

Those poor slobs. Their lives could be so much richer.

His name was Osmund, and he gave me a card on which he wrote the name of two authors I should read. I directed him towards a few of my favorites as well. I tipped him a solid 20% and we shook hands in parting. I got the impression that the handshaking was at least as unusual as the conversation had been. He let me know that I was one of the great conversationalists he had met, even rating me at a similar level of a Neurologist who taught corporations how to practice humility, which he had the fortune of having driven a few months earlier. What great company we are sometimes blessed to keep.

I suppose the moral is to not judge a book by its cover. Or perhaps to look beyond the race or the profession of a fellow human. Or maybe even that we should count our blessings because our professions do not always align with our intelligence. But then the next day I was driven back to the airport as though the very hounds of hell were close behind by a man who frankly frightened me a little bit. Our conversation didn't get past where I was going and what time my flight was.

So there might not be a moral at all.

Tip your drivers.

You just don't know.

Monsters. Oh my.

Good Day to you.

I initially set out to write a blog about our cultural obsession with image and beauty. I even typed a few profoundly thoughtful and deeply insightful sentences before deciding I’m really not up for that level of deep insight or profound thoughtfulness today. It’s just too depressing as a topic to wade into very far. The water is cold and full of giant squids. We humans are a severely damaged life form indeed.

But speaking of giant squids, instead of the aforementioned topic, today we’ll be discussing my favorite kinds of monsters.  

                

Almost as profound and a lot more fun!

Brace yourselves!

1. Zombies

I love zombies in almost every manifestation they appear in. I love fast zombies. I love slow zombies. I love zombies created by viruses and zombies created by toxic waste. I love zombies who only eat the brains of the living and zombies who eat all the available parts of the human. I love Deadites. I love them all. I know that of late our society has been completely inundated by zombie movies and zombie humor, but I have not hit my limit yet. I have a great capacity to appreciate the carnivorous undead.

Recommended Films: Fido. Zombieland. My Boyfriend’s Back. Shaun of the Dead. Dance of the Dead. Night of the Living Dead. Braindead (aka Dead Alive).

For further info on good Zombie Movies, Click Here!


Recommended Life Changing YouTube Video: Click Here!

Recommended Reading: Night of the Living Trekkies.

2. Werewolves

I have long been a big fan of the werewolf in both film and reality. I am a little more restrictive in my wolf-man affection, and gravitate towards the traditional werewolf. I’m not so much a fan of just the shape shifter who becomes a wolf in order to fend off vampires. My personal preference is for the lycanthrope that is controlled by the lunar cycle and which can only be killed one way. Silver bullet. That’s it. That is the only way to kill a werewolf. See the epicly great film “Monster Squad” for further discussion on how you kill werewolves and to see Uncle Rico as a werewolf. And stay inside during the full moon. Trust no one.

Recommended Films: Monster Squad. Teen Wolf. Underworld.

Recommended Reading: Samantha Slade: Monster Sitter.

3. Swamp / Lagoon creatures

Swamp Thing. The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Cajuns. Giant Gators. Leeches. The Swamps and Lagoons of the world are indeed frightening places. Wear hip waders and bring your boomstick.

Recommended Films: Swamp Thing. Monster Squad.

Recommended Lifestyle Choice: Try fried Alligator Tail. It’s tasty.

4. Mythological Monsters as a whole

There are far too many great mythological monsters to list each of them individually, but I do greatly enjoy them and couldn’t leave them unmentioned. Sirens, Hydra, Minatours, Medusa, Cyclopses, Krakens, and so many more. Those Argonauts had a tough ride.

Recommended Reading: Till We Have Faces

5. Squirrels

These modern day monstrosities have never received their due as the true population menaces that they are. John Hodgman has tried to warn us. Heed the warning and be wary around these wicked beasts. They are after more than your acorns. Don’t be fooled by their froofy tails and never let them inside your homes. These carnivorous rodents are never to be fed.

Recommended Reading: An Almanac of Complete World Knowledge Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Useful Order by myself, John Hodgman, a Professional Writer, in The Areas of My Expertise, which Include: Matters Historical, Matters Literary, Matters Cryptozoological, Hobo Matters, Food, Drink & Cheese (a Kind of Food), Squirrels & Lobsters & Eels, Haircuts, Utopia, What Will Happen in the Future, and Most Other Subjects.

6. Vampires

Again, I’m more of a traditionalist in this realm. I prefer the sunlight killing, garlic hating, bat shape shifting, blood sucking, coffin sleeping, stake-through-the-heart fearing undead fiends of yesteryear over the sparkly marble-skinned heartthrobs of more modern acclaim. Don’t mistake me as a Twilight hater since those people tend to annoy me just as much as extreme Twi-harders do. Obviously I’m not an extreme traditionalist since much of what I prefer is post Stoker, so I guess you could say I prefer the vampires as they were still popularly depicted in the 1980’s.

Recommended Reading: Dracula, by Bram Stoker.

Recommended Films: Monster Squad. The Lost Boys. Once Bitten.

Recommended Lifestyle Choice: Don’t invite handsome strangers into your home if you haven’t seen them mow their lawn during the day.

Honorable Mentions:

Trolls, Mummies, Mer-people, Jellyfish, Frankenstein’s monster, Giants, Orcs, Ghosts, Gremlins, Ghoulies, Cookie Monster, Banshees, Critters, and Giant Insects.

Top Five Dead People I Would Like to Have Dinner With

Having now discussed the top 5 living humans that I would love to have over for dinner (see my last blog post), I would like to now turn my attention to the top 5 dead humans to dine with.

The idea here is that each of these 5 individuals would return from the grave (in a decent, non-zombie, no hunger for the flesh / brains of the living kind of way) in order to spend the evening dining with me.  This is as good of a reason as any to return from the grave, and better than some.  The pool of candidates was much larger amongst the dead than it was for the living, and I had to skip quite a few noteworthy names that would have been fascinating to invite. In the end, these are the final invitees to the dinner party.

Dead Dinner Guest #1    

Judas Iscariot

Okay.  So I’m guessing the reaction at this point is mixed, so let me explain my reasons for inviting one of the most despised individuals of all time.  Mr. Iscariot is not being invited out of veneration of any kind on my part, but rather because I’d really love to hear his thoughts on what happened, leading up to his betrayal of Jesus.  There has been a great deal of speculation regarding his motivation for taking the 30 pieces of silver, and I’d like to get his point of view.  Obviously it wasn’t all he had hoped for, what with the subsequent suicide and all.  He would also be able to give a firsthand account of some of the other life and times moments in the life of Jesus, assuming of course you can trust anything this guy has to say.  Depending on his retrospective points of view, he might be asked to leave the table, particularly as he might make my third guest a little uncomfortable.

Dead Dinner Guest #2

John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck is my personal favorite author, and I would greatly enjoy listening to him talk about just about anything and everything.  I certainly enjoyed his writing about anything and everything.  I’d like to know what would be the central crisis of his writing if he were alive today.  I would love to ask what he considered to be his finest work.  Does he regret any of his work?  Who is his favorite character?  The curiosity around this guest alone could take up the entire meal.  Maybe he’ll stay for coffee afterwards.

Dead Dinner Guest #3

Mary the mother of Jesus

As mentioned, Judas might have to leave the table when this guest arrives.  At the very least, these two aren’t sitting next to each other and all sharp knives will be removed from the table.  Mary is being invited because I would be very keen on obtaining some insight into this most intimate of perspectives on the life of Jesus and what it was like to grow in the realization of his divine nature.  I’d like to know how he was perceived by his brothers and by Joseph.  This perspective on the life of Jesus is one that I find utterly fascinating, and having her attend would help provide some balance and reference to the portrayal from Judas.  It would also be interesting to find out her thoughts on the practice of prayer being focused on her in some religious circles.  A lot of fascinating rabbit trails could be followed with this guest.

Dead Dinner Guest #4

Eleanor Dare

Who is Eleanor Dare?  I completely understand your confusion.  Who was this woman, and what happened to her?  Ever since I first heard of the lost colony of Roanoke in Elementary school, I’ve been fascinated with the mystery and want to know what happened to the people.  For the unfamiliar, Roanoke Colony was one of the first colonies in America.  They were facing some hard times and their leader went back to England for supplies.  Due to a series of circumstances, he was unable to return for three years.  When he came back, everyone was gone and no trace of the colonists was ever found.  Which brings us back to the question, “Who was Eleanor Dare?”  Eleanor Dare was the mother of Virginia Dare, the first European child born in the colonies (that was recorded anyway, who knows about those crazy Vikings).  I’ve chosen her to be the one to tell me what happened to the colony.  With my luck, she probably got eaten by a bear while the colony was still in Roanoke and she won’t be able to tell me anything about what happened, but I had to pick someone.  I’m greatly looking forward to finding out the secret to this centuries old mystery.

Dead Dinner Guest #5

C. S. Lewis

Another favorite author, particularly for his works of Fiction.  Clive Staples Lewis barely made the cut because I feel like I already know his perspectives on so many things due to his works of non-fiction.  But then I think about books like, “Till We Have Faces” or “Perelandra” and I can’t imagine not inviting him to the dinner party.  Plus I’m sure he would enjoy meeting Mary and Judas as well, so I’d be doing him a favor, which might get me an in with the Inklings in the event they are still meeting in the afterlife.  I’d also be interested in getting Mr. Lewis’s thoughts on the recent movie adaptions to his Narnia stories and whether he ever noticed that his name is a complete sentence.

Guests held in Reserve

Any good host knows to require an RSVP.  Nothing could be more embarrassing than to have someone return from the grave to come to your dinner party only to find that they are the only guest to show up. 

LAME! 

With that in mind, one needs backup guests prepared to invite in the event one of the primary guests is unable to make it due to some other pressing obligation on their time. 

Reserve Dead Dinner Party Guest #1

Kurt Vonnegut

No explanation needed.  True greatness and one of my top 5 authors.  God Bless you Mr. Vonnegut.

Reserve Dead Dinner Party Guest #2

Marilyn Monroe

Why so sad?  Was it murder?  Who did it?  JFK?  Do you know about that ridiculous statue in Chicago?  Biggest regret?

Reserve Dead Dinner Party Guest #3

Rasputin

Assuming that he has learned English in the afterlife, I’d have quite a few questions concerning the night of his death.  As a history minor in college, I wrote an upper level paper on Rasputin’s death and it was one bizarre unexplainable event after another.  The guy just wouldn’t die.  Perhaps the mad priest could help separate fact from fantasy for me.  Plus we could share a chuckle about his portrayal in the Disney film, Anastasia, which I’m sure he finds quite amusing.  I’m pretty sure, based on pictures like the one above, that this is a guy who knows how to party.

Blessings.

The five living people I’d like to have over for dinner.

I’ve heard the question before, and perhaps you have too.

"If you could choose five people to have dinner with, who would they be?"

I’ve heard the question posed as 5 living people, 5 dead people, or 5 people, living or dead. Since I have found the dead to be terrible conversationalists (not to mention their unfortunate impact on the desirability of the cuisine) I am going to look exclusively at the world of the living when compiling my perfect dinner party.

A few rules are needed going into this sort of thing, since without rules we’d all be running around in chicken suits, eating baby kangaroos.

• Rule #1 The undead are not considered truly living, so no vampires, zombies, etc are eligible to attend, regardless of their otherwise charming nature and conversational aptitude. Sorry twi-hards.
•  Rule #2 The invitees have to be humans. Animal celebrities need not apply, and since after rising from the dead Jesus dropped the carnal aspect of his nature, He would also be deemed ineligible since he is no longer human. On a side note to this rule, since the Christian deity is omnipresent, He will already be in attendance anyway without requiring you to use up one of the five slots, and could thus be considered a “bonus guest” at any event.
•  Rule #3 Members of your immediate family can attend without requiring you to use one of the five available slots, so you need feel no remorse for leaving out those dearest to you.

So.  The expectations are clear. The five living humans I would invite to my dream dinner are listed below.


Guest #1
Bruce Campbell

The single greatest actor of all time would guarantee the conversation kept moving and that everyone had an amazing time. I have already read his autobiography, “If Chins could kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor” twice and will likely read it again soon. Furthermore, in the event any of the aforementioned undead (being furious at not being allowed to attend the dinner party) show up to wreak havoc, I want Bruce Campbell at my side.

  

Guest #2

Christian Hosoi

 The greatest skateboarder of all time at my dinner table?! I had the distinct privilege of meeting Mr. Hosoi briefly a year ago at a Vans promotional event, and he was every bit as amazing as I hoped he would be. The documentary, “Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi” changed my life, and Christian Hosoi is truly one of the few heroes in my world. I need his help to convince my wife that I am not too old to buy a skateboard. Of course it will be a Rising Sun Hammerhead.

 Guest #3
Terry Scott Taylor

I am sure that many of you are thinking, "Who?" Of course it is possible you thought this on the previous two guests as well, and, if so, you really need to expand your horizons. Terry Scott Taylor is one of the greatest living song writers walking the earth today. I was privileged to meet him briefly at two shows in the last decade, and both times he blew me away, while I was unable to do much more than tell him my name. Terry has been the front man / primary song writer for about a billion bands since the 1970’s, brilliantly transitioning from genre to genre over the last 40 years while never flagging in writing profoundly meaningful lyrics to make the world a better place to live in. Camarillo Eddy is welcome at my dinner table anytime, including this ultimate night of feasting.


Guest #4

Peyton Manning

I love Peyton Manning. Last year was hard for me, when number 18 wasn’t continuing his march through the record books. This guy is everything a professional athlete should be. He’s been in my heart ever since he called Vanderjagt his "idiot kicker." I’m holding out hope he can stay healthy another four years and break every record currently held by Brett "open fly Jeans" Favre.

 Guest #5
Stephen King

I really struggled with this one. Most of the people I have a significant amount of admiration for are writers, but most of those I adore are no longer above ground. When considering the living authors available, I considered J. K. Rowling and Yann Martel, along with Cormac McCarthy and Margaret Atwood. In the end I decided the best compliment to the existing dinner party would be Stephen King. While not for everyone, and I certainly haven’t read each of the 5,000 books Mr. King has written, he is a true living legend in the literary field. He’s someone who can really write, but chose a genre generally populated by pulp hacks. He has dominated that genre for more than three decades now and has shown no signs of slowing down. Inviting Stephen to dinner would really cover two bases for me. I love literature and I love all things frightening. In addition, Stephen King is a huge baseball fan and a musician. I think we’d get good sports cross talk, good movie cross talk, and good music cross talk. Chemistry is vital in this kind of dinner party, and I think Stephen would round out the party nicely.

So there you have it. The perfect dinner party for living humans. Sorry I couldn’t fit you in, but which of these people could I truly bump to make room for you?

Please feel free to share your personal five.

Next up, I will likely focus on a dinner party from beyond the grave and choose the five dead people I would have chosen, were they still alive.

Blessings

The Journal of Stephen Michael Hobbs (Part 7 of 7)

Saturday, June 11th This is it. This will be my last journal entry. I don't know now why I even bothered to try to put any of this on paper. I thought it would help someone understand, but I realize now that some things can never be understood. I saw the priest a little while ago. He kept saying the same old things he's always been saying. I feel kind of sorry for him. I almost played along just so he could have a clear conscience about being a part of all of this, but in the end I couldn't do it. It just wouldn't be honest and, if nothing else, I've never been a liar. This is no time to start picking up bad habits. They tell me that it's almost time and I won't be able to take this journal with me to the next room, so I guess I better hurry up and finish saying whatever it is I've been trying to say. In almost no time at all I'm going to see her parents and will get to tell them what I've been waiting so long to tell them. I can't wait to see their faces when they realize that they are actually doing the very opposite of what they always meant to do. When they realize they are actually sending me to her and that they won't be there to try to keep us apart any more. I wonder if it is gonna hurt. They say it's humane, but how would they know? It's not like they ever actually did it before. I guess I'll know soon enough. And then she'll be there waiting for me. Arms open in forgiveness. I never meant to hurt her and I know she understands that now. I just couldn't stand to lose her and I lost it for a moment there. Just for a moment, but a moment was all it took. But all of that is behind us. I know she understands now and is waiting for me. I can't wait. Getting nervous. I know they'll be here soon to take me. Mom, if you read this I'm really sorry about how all of this happened and someday I'll see you again. Hopefully then you'll finally be willing to talk to me again. I forgive you for the years of silence. Dad, I guess we'll never see other again cause if I get my wish we're not going to end up in the same place. There are some things that can't be forgiven. Meredith. I love you. I'll see you soon. Stephen Michael Hobbs