What it was that Vanilla Ice was trying to say.

Pardon me those of you who are very important, let’s get started.

Please stop for a moment and listen to what I have to say. I have returned to you and I come bearing something new which I have invented. I find myself in the grip of something, resulting in my flowing in the manner of a harpoon. This occurs both during the day and at night time. I have speculated long on whether or not this will ever stop. At this point I am undecided, but if you turn off the lights, you will find that I glow in the dark. I have been known to take a microphone and speak into it forcefully. I sometimes then steal the microphone. I do this in the most extreme manner possible. I have already mentioned that I glow in the dark, but I wanted to make it clear that I can also do this standing on a platform while encasing a person in wax. I am requesting that you please dance. Don’t stay in the back. Please come forward and dance near these very loud speakers, though it will possibly cause severe brain damage, similar to what can be caused by certain poisonous toadstools. Indeed, it is very dangerous, deadly even, when I begin to sing in a narcotic fashion through these speakers. I believe in presenting the best things I have to offer and believe that those who do not do so should be incarcerated. Whether or not you love what I am saying or have negative feelings about it, you need to step out of the way and aim very carefully. If you miss the bull’s eye you will find that children will no longer be able to play any more. If it turns out that there is a problem, and I’m not saying that there is, then I believe I can provide a solution. Please just pay close attention to these repeating words that my disc jockey is playing on the record player.

Ice Ice Baby
Too Cold
Vanilla

At the present time, this party is an exciting place to be. We have changed the settings on the equalizer so that the low end audio is very pronounced. It is causing our Vega speakers to vibrate profoundly. Allow me to get to the point quickly and without trying to fool you. I have taken many masters of ceremony and cooked them on my stove as if they were just so much bacon. I like to burn the ones that are slow and not particularly agile. In fact I go temporarily insane when I hear the sound of a cymbal. Particularly the hi-hat cymbal played at a frenetic pace makes me want to keep going and leave everyone else behind. When this happens I drive my Five Cylinder convertible with the top down so that my hair can blow in the wind. There are girls waiting for me who wave their hands when I drive along the road. They do this so that they can say hello to me. You might wonder if I stopped the vehicle when they waved. I did not. I drove by them in search of the next place that I would stop. I turned left and drove down to the next block. I didn’t see very many things happening when I got there, so I started driving again until I came to A1A Beachfront Avenue. The girls at this location must have been very overheated. I am making this assumption because they wore very little clothing. I also noticed a lot or people were driving Lamborghinis. I believe that those people are envious of me because of all of the things I have received. Due to the dangerous nature of this area, my friend Shay, who is my aforementioned disc jockey, is carrying a shotgun. I have a nine millimeter handgun. The two of us are prepared in case some of the people on the wall begin to act strangely due to their heavy drug use. The next thing I knew I was deafened by loud gunshots. I held on to my handgun and heard the spent casings from several bullets falling on the pavement in rapid succession. I jumped back into my car and accelerated quickly, but soon was stuck in heavy traffic. The street was completely full of vehicles, which prevented me from getting away before something could be done to me that I would have done to someone else. The next thing I knew, the police were everywhere. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you? Before I could be concerned though, they chose to not regard me as a threat and instead focused their attention on those drug abusers I previously mentioned. Once again I would like to clarify that in the event of a problem I will find a solution. While that sinks in, please pay close attention to the same repeating words that Shay is playing for you now that he has put down his shotgun in favor of a record player.

Ice Ice Baby
Too Cold
Vanilla

Please continue to pay careful attention and give credence to what I am saying to you. I compose rhyming words with the intention of setting them to music. The city of Miami is a fine, central location for others who also do this. Is this something you were aware of? I would like for you to be aware of it. I am from Miami. This is where the low end audio sound comes from. In Miami there are holes in the ground due to the volume at which we play low end audio. This is because the way I make music is just like Chemicals spilling onto the ground. My rhymes are very realistic and create images in your head so real that you can feel them. When those images are formed, I think this is one very interesting idea. We promote this idea and ask that you join in step with us. My disc jockey Shay likes to adjust the individual volumes of different instruments by adjusting the faders on a mixing board. When he does this, it is almost as if a ninja were cutting things with a sword or a razor blade so quickly that it causes other disc jockeys to vociferate profanely. My rhymes are so good and valuable that if they were narcotics I would sell them in very small doses to achieve the maximum financial impact. I never lose my composure even at those times when it is appropriate to loosen up a bit. I find that my mouth reacts to a microphone is if it were made of metal and the microphone were a magnet. This happens at the same time that I kick the juice cartons I own. You might see this as a problem, but I don’t. There are no problems. But if there were a problem, I would solve it. As always, please listen to this message while Shay plays it on a record player.

Ice Ice Baby
Too Cold
Vanilla

Dear Listener.
I am going to leave now.
Please give my regards to your mother.